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Friday, December 31, 2010

First Hop of the New Year!

The first kiss

Ok, so he was sleeping but it still counts. I was kissing fiancé in my head, as well!

In with the new!

Happy New Year Everyone!!!

I wish all my followers and anyone who comes across this blog and healthy, happy, and prosperous new year. May 2011 meet and exceed all your expectations!

Now, it's time to follow through with resolutions! What are yours? Mine will be up shortly, so check back!

Thanks, Babycenter!

What a great way to start the new year! I just won a 25$ American Express gift card playing babycenter.com's New Years Eve party games!

Thanks Babycenter!

Facebook's My Year in Photos

Thursday, December 30, 2010

Out with the old - Part 2

I started a mini-project for today and tomorrow. I was thinking about how many emotions we gather in one year. How many arguments, disagreements, and bad experiences accumulate and can clutter our minds in just 365 days. I noticed, when typing my previous blog post, that the "bad" experiences of 2010 far outweighed the good. As I looked around the room, I realized how much other stuff has accumulated, not only in 2010, but some of it from years before. So it was time for a clean out. Obviously I won't do much damage in two days, but I am trying to see how much materialistic items I have cluttering my space.

So far, I have one garbage bag filled with random things. Socks with holes, or that have permanently lost their partners, old make-up and nail polishes I bought and never liked the color, etc. Tomorrow, I'll work on the chest downstairs that has basically been the "catch all" for things that don't have a place and go through clothes.

2011 will be a year of accomplishment, I surely hope. Letting go of excess clutter, both emotionally and physically is good. Clutter slows us down. We need to be free to fly.

Blessed Be!

My year in review- out with the old.

Goodbye 2010. I will not miss you.  This year has certainly been a rough one.

The first major blow happened in February with my father passing away. We haven't had a relationship in over ten years, yet his death hit me hard. We had to go back to his house, my childhood home, to clean it all out. It really hurt watching my childhood home disassembled and thrown in the back of a uhaul.

In May we moved.  Moving is normally stressful. This move was horrendous.  We were unprepared. With all the other stressors going on during that time (fiancé quitting his job for example) things went undone and packing was done last minute. My overly judgmental half-siblings took this opportunity to lecture me, degrade me, and scream in my face about all the things I don't do "right".

In June, fiancé got a DUI after leaving his sister's birthday party.  The rest of the summer months were decent. Yet, the lack of a job and the consequences that came with the DUI led fiancé into a pretty deep depression. Depression led to more drinking, less job searching, and more debt.

In October, the family issues returned.  My sister and niece decided to show their emotional age and post untrue, nasty comments about fiancé and me on facebook.  This led to fiancé being thrown out of our house and moved into his mothers. Things were decent for a short while, until the drinking took over again.

In November, my mom let fiancé come back to stay with us. The same week, his car was repossessed. And once again, this led to more depression, less job searching, more drinking, and debt.

December has been filled with fighting until fiancé decided to go to rehab. It's been very tough, considering he didn't leave with us on good terms. To be honest, although I know it's for the best, I hate that it had to come to this. I hate that he had to leave us in order to better himself. But I still love him, and will stick by him until he tells me otherwise.

The positives of the year include watching Jay grow. He's speaking a lot now and getting so big. We had a lot of fun days in the park during the summer.  I also found spirituality that clicks with me and makes life a little more fulfilling.

I'm trying to start 2011 with a fresh outlook and lots of goals. Nothing unrealistic.  But that's another post.

Friday, December 24, 2010

Is it really Christmas Eve?

Jayden's 3rd Christmas
So I have to keep reminding myself that yes, it actually is Christmas eve. See, when I think of Christmas eve, and draw on my past experiences, I think family. I remember Aunt Sissy's Oaster Stew, mountains of cookies, and laughter. I remember me and my mother making our untraditional Chicken Parmesan Christmas eve dinners.  And usually by this time at night on Christmas eve's past, I'd be pretty drunk. This of course would be followed by desperately attempting to survive visiting Fiance's family on Christmas day.

But this year, I've done none of that. Jay is off with his grandmother visiting her boyfriend's family. Although I would have preferred spend the holiday with him, there's no reason he shouldn't experience the usual traditions of the day. I took a bubble bath. Cleaned here and there, played computer games, and am watching ABC family with all the kiddie Christmas oldies.  Mother and I had roast beef sandwiches, I know..so luxurious.

Fiance called from rehab. Mostly just to tell me what stuff to bring for him tomorrow. The only thing that makes me happy is that when he says "I love you" I can actually hear the meaning in it again.

So.. Ho Ho Ho..MERRY CHRISTMAS. Hope everyone has a great one!

Tuesday, December 21, 2010

Monday, December 13, 2010

Dear Followers

I'm so sorry for all the confusion with my blogs. From now on this will be my only blog, and the name will be changed to "Welcome to Mommy-ville." Although I would like to blog about spirituality, I'm still in the process of finding my own path and doing my own personal work.

My life has been torn upside down and inside out over the past couple months. I am not sure if fiance is still fiance. I'm not really sure what is going on in my life. But I intend to keep blogging and hopefully you'll keep reading!

Blessed be!

Starting over

I'll be starting this blog over! This will be my only blog, with the title of the other, Welcome to Mommy-ville. Sorry for the confusion and thanks for remaiing a follower!

Friday, December 10, 2010